


Winter Bones

by zico-aesthetics (WritingBarnes)



Series: Let's Not Fall In Love - BTS Soulmate Series [2]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang yongguk making some cameos here and there because i can't help it, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-01-25 04:30:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12523004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingBarnes/pseuds/zico-aesthetics
Summary: “It won’t disappear, you know. The pain?” She added with a knowing smile as she gestured her chin towards his mark. Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.  “It just gets less painful. But it won’t disappear.”





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> this could be read separately though there will be some mentions regarding the previous story so it'll be better if you read those first! :) 
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Jungkook’s soulmate’s name appeared on his nineteenth birthday, a minimalistic typography that looked more like some aesthetic tattoos his classmates had gotten during a summer break instead of a soulmate mark. He expected searing hot pain on his wrist that morning, or a prickling sensation that his friends had felt when they got their mark. He even half-expected nothing, preparing himself to live a life without a mark like one of his friend whom he loved so dearly. No one told him about the sharp and icy pain on his wrist right before the mark appeared. Not even Seokjin, who gave him a complete lecture on soulmate, told him about a dark blue mark and the biting pain that reminded him of a winter day. It took him a minute to noticed the name written on his wrist, another minute to felt his heart sank, and an hour spent in the bathroom, trying to scrub away the name, leaving his wrist red and raw. 

 

Jimin was the first one to caught a glimpse of his mark that day, despite Jungkook’s attempt to cover it with his sleeve and a black watch. His eyes were bright with happiness that Jungkook envied as he hugged the younger male and congratulated him.

 

“That’s great! We should celebrate it!” 

 

“I have an extra class, hyung. We’ll talk about this later, yeah?” Jungkook smiled and made his way to the front door.

 

“Oh sure! Happy birthday!” Jimin shouted before Jungkook closed the door behind him. 

 

.

 

“You need to stop doing that or it’ll hurt more.” A soft voice interrupted his attempt at scratching his mark. Jungkook abruptly turned to her left and found his classmate staring at his red wrist, the irritated skin contrasting the blue ink of his mar. His eyes glanced at the professor who was still busy explaining Leonardo Da Vinci’s work and back to the woman next to him. He recognized her as one of Taehyung’s favorite junior and best friend who was also the artist behind the beautiful sunset painting that were hung on the wall of the cafe. He had seen her with his friends in the cafe before, joking around with them as she waited for her coffee.  _[Y/N]? Was that her name?_  He didn’t even know they shared a class together or even the same table. 

 

“It won’t disappear, you know. The pain?” She added with a knowing smile as she gestured her chin towards his mark. Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.  “It just gets less painful. But it won’t disappear.”

 

“How would you know?” Jungkook blurted out, his voice sounding angrier than he intended. But the woman didn’t seem to take any offense, opting to flash him a grin and showing her wrist. Jungkook’s eyes widened at the small black line circling around her wrist and the intricate flower designs that covered the her mark. He could still see a faint mark on her wrist if he squinted his eyes, but the tattoo seemed to do an amazing job at covering her mark, he thought to himself. 

 

“Got it removed months ago when it wouldn’t stop hurting.” She shrugged and Jungkook didn’t comment on the flash of pain in her eyes before she blinked it away.

 

“How?” He found himself asking, cheeks dusted pink with slight embarrassment at how eager he sounded. 

 

“Just stop scratching it, Jeon Jungkook. You’ll only make it worse.” She said, ignoring his question and turned her attention back to her book. 

 

Jungkook’s eyes snapped back at her in surprise, fingers stilling its scratching motion on his mark. “You know my name?”

 

“Who doesn’t?” She replied incredulously, eyes still focused on her notebook. “Now shut up before Professor Lee asked you to do errands for him.” 

.

Jungkook felt a little twist in his heart when he came back home to a colorful birthday cake and his friends singing a birthday song on top of their lungs. He was nauseous by the time Yoongi came back home and muttered a congratulations on getting his mark with the most genuine smile he could muster, as if it could masked the bitterness in his eyes. And it itched again. The pain never left, just slowly reduced to itch and occasional stinging sensation that he had come to loathe, just like [Y/N] told him. The only thing he wanted to do was to ask Taehyung about his friend and how she scratched out her mark, but Jimin, Hoseok, and Taehyung looked so happy for him and Jin and Namjoon had that proud look on their faces (or maybe relief, he didn’t know), and all courage in him disappear. He pulled down his sleeve and gave them a small, timid smile. 

 

“It’s okay. Not everyone wants people to know their soulmate’s name.” Namjoon smiled down at him and Jungkook felt another pang in his heart.

 

“Let’s get something to eat!”  “Where’s Yoongi hyung?”

 

“Yoongi isn’t feeling so well so he can’t go with us.” Jin spoke as he came back from Yoongi’s room, eyes warily staring at Jungkook.  _Please understand._  The message couldn’t be any clearer and the guilt in him kept eating him alive as his friends dragged him out of their home.

 

.

 

[Y/N] was busy smoothing out gesso paint on the newly stretched canvas when Taehyung walked into their shared studio with his friends in tow. The tallest one whom she recognized as Namjoon, flashed her a dimpled smile before he set down the box he had been carrying. 

 

“I still think you should let us pay for the painting, [Y/N].” Park Jimin, an extremely sweet guy with a smile that rivaled Hoseok’s, quipped as he gently touched a painting on the wall.

 

“You always give me free coffee.” She shrugged, as if it was payment enough.

 

“Seokjin hyung said we should give you free coffee until you turn 40 to pay for the painting.” Namjoon added with a grin and settled down next to her to help her gesso a smaller canvas. 

 

“What are you going to make this time?” Taehyung asked, grabbing an unfinished painting and setting it on an easel at the other side of the room. He ripped open a box and took out his set of paints and palette, the wooden brushes scattered on the ground around him as he juggled between several painting tubes.

 

“Winter.” She answered, ignoring the look Taehyung sent her. There was a slight chill on her left wrist that she promptly ignored, the sensation had long dulled thanks to her brother and she quickly changed the topic, not wanting Jimin nor Namjoon to notice the slight tension between Taehyung and her.

 

“How’s everyone?” She asked them as she went back to her gesso paint and the blank canvas.

 

“Jungkook just turned 19 a week ago. We had a nice dinner and Jin hyung paid for it, which makes it a thousand times better. You could’ve joined us but you had to stay up and finish a project.” Taehyung replied, dotting a green paint on his canvas with a small brush. 

 

“I don’t even know him that well. He’s always away whenever I visited the cafe. Did he get his mark too?”

 

“Yeah. He’s a little shy about it, though.” Jimin added with an expression that reminded [Y/N] of a puppy she used to have when she was a kid.

 

“Speaking of marks,” Namjoon said as he dipped the brush in the white paint. “How’s Yongguk hyung? He’s still in the tattoo business?”

 

“He’s doing great. He’s planning on getting a bigger studio for the tattoo shop.” she proudly replied. “He might even take me to be his apprentice so I won’t have to move out.”

 

Namjoon nodded thoughtfully, eyes fixed on the canvas in front of him. “Does he still removes soulmate marks too?”

 

“Yep” She popped the p at the end and flashed him a grin, lifting her left wrist to show Namjoon her tattoo. “He’s really good at it. Mine doesn’t even hurt anymore.” 

 

Namjoon’s expression turned gentle as he looked at her tattooed wrist. Not everyone was comfortable showing their marks, let alone a dark blue mark. Most people he knew looked almost embarrassed when they accidentally showed the blue ink on their wrist, or the faint white scar that was barely noticeable. He could recall his shell-shocked expression when Taehyung first brought her to the cafe, wrist bare of any accessories to cover the blue ink, or when she came over a two months ago, this time donning a beautiful intricate floral tattoo on her wrist. Her smile never faltered even when his eyes lingered a little too long on her mark or her tattoo or when he blurted out questions after questions about it. The only time she showed a little discomfort was when he asked her about the name on her wrist. She stiffened a little, the brightness in her eyes dulled ever so slightly but she didn’t say anything and he quickly blurted out apologies, afraid he might have overstepped a line.

 

“It’s better than having people assume things about you, you know. You know what they say, better to ask questions than to remain ignorant.” She waved him off. He was pretty sure he appointed her as his new best friend out loud that day. 

 

.

 

After hours of locking himself in his room and not letting Hoseok and Jimin inside to wallow in self-pity and gather what was left of his courage, Jungkook stood up from his bed and strode towards the bedroom at the end of the hall.  _It would be okay,_  he tried to reassure himself.  _You would ask her yourself but she hasn’t been around the past few weeks and Taehyung can be trusted._  He repeated the words like mantra in his head. He closed his eyes for a moment to ready himself and quickly pushed open the door, ignoring the way his heart accelerated with each steps his feet took.

 

“Hyung.”

 

Taehyung looked up from his worn sketchbook at the timid voice. Jungkook was standing by his bed, eyes darting around the room to avoid his as he nervously played with his fingers.

 

“What is it?”

 

It was a harmless question yet it seemed to thrown Jungkook off. He stammered incoherent words and shook his head before darting out of Taehyung’s room, leaving the latter in a frustratingly confused state. _This was a bad idea._  The regret slowly seeping in as he stomped back along the hall. He shouldn’t have come to Taehyung’s room. Now he’s going to pester him and ask him about it until he confessed. He shook his head, the mark on his left wrist burned like ice and left a bitter taste in his tongue.  _This was a huge mista_ –

 

“Jeon Jungkook, it’s been a while.” 

 

Fuck. He froze on his spot, eyes wide with shock. [Y/N] was here. She was standing in front of him with her sketchbook and charcoal pencils, the tattoos on her wrist peeking out of her sweater sleeve. 

 

“[Y/N]?”

 

“Hey. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She grinned. She looked so carefree and the easy smile that curled on her lips evoked a sense of envy that slowly burned inside him. He must have lost his mind for a moment because the question slipped out of his lips even before he could even think it through.

 

“Tell me how to remove your mark, please.”

 

He could feel heat rising up his neck to his face as he pressed his lips into a thin line, hoping he wouldn’t spurt out more ridiculous questions. [Y/N] stiffened, the smile completely wiped off her face and Jungkook pushed away the guilt that slowly crept inside his heart. 

 

“Please.” He said again, this time in a pleading whisper. 

 

His desperation must have been visible in his voice and his pathetic expression, because [Y/N] slowly relaxed and took a few steps closer towards him. 

 

“My brother did it for me. You should probably think about it at first but I could take you to him if you really want it removed.” She finally said and it felt like a ton of weight had been lifted off his shoulder when she offered him her phone. “Why don’t you add your number so I can text you the address and stuff.” He nodded eagerly and punched his phone number with shaky fingers. 

 

“Thank you.” Jungkook said before she disappeared into Taehyung’s room. 

 

“No problem.”

 

.

 

[Y/N] was only planning on sending Jungkook the address and let the latter figure it out on his own. She definitely didn’t expect Jungkook to sent her dozens of memes afterwards and asked her about a project she forgot she had. She thought he just needed a friend and she was someone who did not know anything about him, who would hold no judgment when he said he wanted to remove his mark. But three months of texting and being deskmates seemed to proved that she needed a friend as much as him, if not more.

 

_From : [Y/N]_

_Do me a favor and kill me before this boring class do._

Jungkook looked down at his phone, lips curled into a smile before glanced at [Y/N] who had been struggling to stay awake next to him. 

 

_To : [Y/N]_

_I’d love to but your brother will kill me if I do and Taehyung is going to cry. Do you want to see him cry? It’s not pretty. He looks like a squid._

 

The reply came a few seconds later.

 

_From : [Y/N]_

_That kid could wear a trash bag and still look pretty. You, on the other hand though…. :\_

 

Jungkook rolled his eyes at her reply, leaning in closer to write a ‘fuck you’ and weird doodles on her notebook, ignoring her dramatic gasp. 

 

“Well fuck you too, Jeon.” She muttered under her breath, her tone held a certain fondness that made Jungkook smile.

 

.

 

Three months in and Jungkook still couldn’t bring himself to take a step inside [Y/N]’s brother’s tattoo parlor, a small shop 15 minutes away from his home. He usually backed out and muttered a lame excuse that she didn’t bother to call him out on. But this time was different. The icy burn in his wrist was almost unbearable and he didn’t know how to stop the pain until she offered to take him to her brother, an offer he immediately accept without thinking twice.

 

The bus ride to the tattoo parlor was quiet sans the quiet murmurs of several passengers few seats in front of them. Jungkook’s legs shook nervously once he spotted the familiar building, only stopping when [Y/N] grabbed his hand and gave him a comforting smile.

 

“Tell me about your brother again?” He asked with a small voice that reminded [Y/N] of Yongguk’s favorite kid, Junhong. 

 

So she did. She told him about how Yongguk started to learn marks removal almost a year ago because of her. How he basically raised her now since their parents lived in Incheon and were busy with their own lives. She told him her childhood stories, the time where she tackled his classmate when they made fun of her brother, only to get scolded by Yongguk later, the only time her saint-like brother got mad at her.

 

“You were a violent kid.” Jungkook chuckled as they stepped out of the bus. 

 

“I was. I have to balance out Yongguk oppa’s patience and calmness.” She grinned. “Come on. I’ve texted him you were coming and–– Jungkook?”

 

It was almost pathetic, the way he forgot all the things he wanted to ask her the moment they stopped in front of the shop, how the words got stuck in his throat and the only thing that escaped his lips were strangled noise that made [Y/N] raised her eyebrows. 

 

“Oh God.” He stammered.

 

“He’s nice, you know.” [Y/N] quipped in amusement when Jungkook stiffened the moment they entered the shop. Her expression quickly softened once she noticed Jungkook’s pale face, ragged breathing, and clammy hand. She stopped him once they turned a corner, pulling him to sit on a leather chair before he could run into a door, eyes filled with understanding as she waited for him to speak.

 

“You know you don’t have to do it, right?” She smiled, rubbing slow circles on his wrist with her thumb to calm him down, her warm skin soothing down the painful pain on his mark. 

 

“I have to.” He croaked, eyes shut tight. Droplets of tears escaped her eyes and fell down his cheeks. 

 

“Did something happen, Jungkook?” 

 

“Is he okay?” A deep voice startled Jungkook before he could answer her, only to have a mini heart attack the moment his eyes landed on the source of the voice. Bang Yongguk, [Y/N]’s brother, a tall man who covered most his skin with beautiful colored tattooes, was standing in front of them, worry plastered all over his face. 

 

“Y-yeah.” Jungkook grimaced at how shaky his voice was, thankful that the man didn’t comment on it. “Sorry.” Jungkook added, for what, he didn’t know. 

 

“No need to apologize.” Yongguk waved him off. “Jungkook, right?” He smiled at Jungkook and offered his hand, which Jungkook quickly took. He watched Yongguk gave [Y/N] a pat on the head before gesturing them to follow him.

 

“You should see some of his works,” [Y/N] spoke out once they arrived at the living room in the second floor. “They’re really pretty.”

 

Jungkook nodded quietly, eyes observing the room. It was the complete opposite of his home. They had their walls painted dark grey and there were countless paintings and framed sketches hung on the wall. He noticed the familiar drawings [Y/N] last month hung near the bookshelf. Books were scattered all over the carpeted floor in the middle of the living room and Jungkook bit back a smile when he noticed a game console under the TV table and a stack of games next to it.

 

“Sorry for the mess.” She sheepishly said.

 

“She was supposed to clean it up but she overslept, as always.” Jungkook chuckled at Yongguk’s comment. “Why don’t you join us, Jungkook? You look like you need to eat a lot. We can talk later.”

 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, hyung.” Jungkook smiled, grateful that no one made a fuss about his near-breakdown ten minutes ago. 

 

.

 

He felt empty. Gone were the painful ache that throbbed in his chest whenever he saw his wrist. Her name was no longer there now aside from a red angry scar that Yongguk said would heal in a week or two. It was scratched out just as quickly as it appeared, despite the lingering pain and heat that still surfaced even after Yongguk had cleaned up the tools. The older guy seemed to notice the slight discomfort and offered him a bandage to hide it for the time being, letting him know that he could come back to get it covered once it healed properly.

 

“Does it hurt?” [Y/N] asked once she finished bandaging his wrist. Jungkook’s eyes darted towards Yongguk who quietly slipped out of the room after flashing him a small smile, leaving both of them in a comfortable silence.

 

“Not really.” Jungkook replied. “I thought it would hurt more.” His eyes were fixed on her wrist and the black line that covered her soulmate’s name. “Why did you remove it?” He asked after a while, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment for being too nosy.

 

“My mark?”

 

“Y-yeah. You don’t have to answer it if you don-”

 

“My soulmate is in love with someone else.” She cut him off and looked away from his gaze. “He has a someone he loves and he didn’t see me at all.”

 

“He sounds like a jerk.” Jungkook muttered and smiled when she let out a small laugh.

 

“He is. Yongguk oppa found me crying in this very room and he said he’ll help me remove it.”

 

She glanced back at him, her lips still curled into a warm smile that made Jungkook feel a little lighter. Jungkook squeezed her hand slightly and scooted closer to her, moving to sit on the leather chair next to her.

 

“Are you still in pain, [Y/N]?”

 

She turned to him with an unreadable expression and for a moment he thought she was going to cry. But she didn’t. She just shook her head and leaned her head on his shoulder.

 

“Sometimes. But it’s okay.”

 

Jungkook wondered if he would ever feel this way soon or if he could feel nothing at all.

 

.

 

 _Relief_.

 

It was the only emotion he could feel when he finally arrived back at his apartment six hours later. It was oddly nice, he thought to himself. The sleeve of his sweater hid the bandage covering his mark and no one seemed to notice the way he seemed a little bit more relaxed when Yoongi and his girlfriend walked into the dining room and joined them for dinner. 

 

“Did you hang out with [Y/N] again?” Seokjin asked him during dinner, eyes filled with unanswered questions that Jungkook did not want to answer.

Jungkook looked up from his rice bowl, eyes widening in panic for a millisecond before he came up with a reply.

 

“Yeah, hyung. I went to her place. We have a side project for an extra credit.” He lied, flashing the older man a grin. 

 

“Did you meet Yongguk hyung? He’s cool right?” Taehyung jumped in with mouthful of food.

 

“He scared me the first time I saw him.” Namjoon added. “That deep voice did not suit his smile at all.”

 

Jungkook’s eyes glanced down at his wrist at the mention of [Y/N]’s brother. 

 

“He’s nice. He bought us food too.” Jungkook laughed at Taehyung’s expression.

 

“What?! He never bought me food!”

 

“Yeah, cause you always cook instant ramen in their place like you live there.” Namjoon rolled his eyes.

 

Jungkook’s eyes twinkled as he listened to the rest of his friends’ conversation, pushing back the slight guilt that threatened to creep out. He pulled down the sleeve of his sweater again and picked up his chopstick, the slightly awkward gesture went unnoticed by his friends.

 

_This was nice._

 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Although I had nothing thanks to the scars you gave me,  
> I now get to be the main character in a sad love story."  
> \- Epik High, Love Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this update! lol Let me know what you think!   
> i can also be reached on tumblr (zico-aesthetics.tumblr.com) in case you want to read more of my stories :)

Kim Taehyung quietly watched her wash dirty brushes on the sink, eyes following every movement intensively. [Y/N] had always been a weird kid, with her unapologetic attitude and eyes that seemed to hide millions of secrets. It was probably why they became such good friends since he saw her in art club during his high school year. She was the only person who understood him and who accepted him for who he is, scolding him whenever he doubted her sincerity. He felt a slight pang in his heart at the thought of her leaving him and finding a better friend, someone who wasn’t as handful as he was.

 

“What is it, Tae?”

 

Taehyung snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to find her sitting on an empty desk in front of him. She was wearing a nice short-sleeved t-shirt today and he could see her tattoos clearer with the sunlight beaming through the window. He fleetingly wondered if she would ever tell him about her soulmate’s name and why she was so scared to tell everyone about it.

 

“You’ve been hanging out with Jungkook a lot lately.” Taehyung quipped, pretending to be nonchalant and failing miserably.

 

“We share a lot of classes together. Why? Are you jealous?” Her smile faltered when Taehyung didn’t say anything, cheeks tinted with a hint of pink at her questions. “Tae?”

 

“It’s just–” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

 

“Why would I leave you, you dummy.” [Y/N] jumped off the desk and crouched in front of him, smiling her usual warm smile. “You know too much of my secrets and you’re stuck with me for life.”

 

“Okay.” Taehyung let out a sigh of relief, face quickly brightening once he heard her words. “That’s great. You’re stuck with me for life too.” He added, wrapping his hand around her tattooed wrist. She was warm and soft and all the things that made him happy and she was his friend. Taehyung’s smile grew as she patted his head affectionately.

 

[Y/N] grinned. “Come on, let’s get something to eat, oppa.”

 

“HA! Finally calling me oppa, huh?” He jumped at her, trapping her in a playful headlock as they exited the room.

 

“I take it back. LET GO OF ME, TAEHYUNG.”

 

.

 

Yongguk had just finished closing up the tattoo parlor when [Y/N] arrived home. She looked like a mess and he didn’t have to ask her to know that she had been hanging out with Kim Taehyung, a puppy inside a human body who enjoyed messing up her hair a little too much. She gave him a little glare before he could comment on her messy ponytail, earning a little laugh and another pat on her head.

 

“Had fun?”

 

“Kim Taehyung is a little demon and I swear he’s trying to make me lose all my hair before I turn 30.” She frowned though Yongguk could see the twitch of her lips and the slight twinkle in her eyes. He was about to lock the door when he noticed her scratching the mark on her wrist.

 

“Does it still hurt?” His eyebrows furrowed in worry as he approached her, gently taking her hand to inspect her wrist.

 

“No. It just feels weird lately.” Yongguk glanced at her for a moment before returning his attention to the name that he had covered for her months ago. There still was a faint trace of her soulmate’s name if he looked hard enough, a dark blue mark that couldn’t be fully covered by black ink tattoo, no matter how many times he tried to.

 

“Is it because of that Jungkook kid?”

 

Yongguk quietly sighed and let go of her wrist when she didn’t say anything. He had learned long ago to never push her when she felt uncomfortable, nor to scold her for closing off on him. A part of him wished she was back to the cheerful 10 years old girl who didn’t care about anything but her brother and her favorite doll. Some things seemed to last only for a short while, he supposed. Not wanting to worsened the tension, he opted to send her a smile instead.

 

“Come on, I’m making noodles for dinner.”

 

“Again?” She teased, the tension in the room quickly vanished at her attempt to tease her brother’s lack of cooking skill.

 

.

 

It was too good to be true. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew how the universe worked now. Nothing good could ever last for long, especially for him. And he wanted to laugh. Or maybe cry. He didn’t know. All he knew was that every good thing that happened to him somehow got taken away. Always. He couldn’t hide the bitterness in his eyes when he saw his family stared at him in disappointment. Three months of being somewhat happy and now he had to go back to feeling like a fucking disappointment and failure.

 

_Ten minutes earlier,_

_“I NEED TO USE THE TOILET!” Hoseok screamed, fist banging on the bathroom door._

_“I’m in the middle of a shower!” Jungkook hollered back, the sound of water seemed to drown the faint click of the door._

_“I’ve seen your naked body before, Jungkook. Not interested at all.” Hoseok rolled his eyes when Jungkook let out an inhumane screech and string of curses once he realized Hoseok had barged in again._

_“Guys, keep it down, please. We don’t need more complaints from our neighb–“ Namjoon trailed off, eyes slowly finding Jungkook’s. “Your wrist…”_

_Jungkook, still bare of anything other than the shower curtain to cover him, quickly hid his wrist behind his back. “Hyung.”_

 

 

“Why would you do that?” Seokjin asked, gaze fixed on the tattoo on Jungkook’s wrist, where his soulmate name was supposed to be. His voice pulled Jungkook back to the harsh reality, eyes boring into his as he waited for an answer.

 

“I don’t want it.” Jungkook harshly broke Seokjin’s grip on his hand, eyes flashing with pent-up frustration that threatened to spill over.

 

“Jungkook–”

 

“It hurts!” Jungkook snapped, shutting everyone up. “It fucking hurts, okay? It’s like sticking your hands in ice and feeling so numb it hurts, only it was ten times worse. I had to deal with that for months and I couldn’t handle it.”

 

“You should’ve told us.” Yoongi calmly said, followed by murmurs of agreement from their friends.

 

“Tell you? About my mark?” Jungkook scoffed. “I’m a defect. Do you even know how awful that was?”

 

“I know.” Yoongi hissed.

 

“You have your mark now! You have noona! What more do you want, hyung? You have your soulmate!  I don’t. I can never have a soulmate. Not when I have this mark with me.”

 

“Jungkook, we just–”

 

And it was all too much for him. The pitiful stares, the disappointed looks, the way they skirted around the topic, trying not to hurt his feelings as if he was a wounded puppy. Everything was too much and the room suddenly seemed to caved in, ready to suffocate him. He took a shuddery breath and staggered a few steps backwards, hands scrambling to grab his jacket that he threw on the couch earlier.

 

“I– I have to go. I’m sorry.” Jungkook muttered as he ran out of the apartment, the sound of his heartbeat thundering in his ears was too loud for him to hear what his friends said before he slammed the door behind him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You have brought me back to myself.”  
> ― Kamand Kojouri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not yet edited, so i apologize for any mistakes.

He ran until his feet gave up on him, sending him barreling to the asphalt ground. The stinging pain on his bleeding knees didn’t seem to compare to the aching twist in his heart and the headache that kept getting worse as he tried to regain his breathing. He shouldn’t have worn ripped jeans, he bitterly laughed at himself as he tried to get back on his feet. It took him a while to realize where he was. The blue neon sign hanging on the front window and the muted hip hop music coming from inside the shop seemed to give him some comfort akin to his favorite thick blanket on a winter day. He limped towards the shop, eyes scanning for a familiar face.

 

The bell jingled merrily when he pushed the door opened. There were two tattoo artists he recognized as Jiho and Mino, sitting at one side of the room, too busy with their clients to give him proper greetings.

 

“Jungkook?” Bang Yongguk’s deep voice startled him and he looked up to find him staring back at Jungkook with unreadable expression. The older male darted his eyes down to his bleeding knees and scraped palms and Jungkook resisted the urge to turn around and run. “[Y/N] is upstairs if you want to see her.” He finally said after a while. That seemed to attract the attentions of the two tattoo artists, who decided to pause their tattoo sessions to get a good look at him.

 

“You okay, man? That looks nasty as fuck.” Mino snickered playfully. Jungkook looked down at the tattoo on his wrist, visible for everyone to see. No one seemed to care and the notion made his heart untwisted itself just a little bit more. He took a few deep breaths.

 

“Better get it cleaned before they chopped your legs off from infection.” Jiho added.

 

“You’ll finally be able to reach my head, hyung.” Jungkook replied with a grin before he made his way upstairs.

 

“That fucking brat. I’m TALLER THAN YOU!”

 

.

 

[Y/N] was on her phone when he finally reached the second floor, her expression turning into one he thought was relief the moment their eyes met. Taehyung must have told her, Jungkook thought as he idly waited for her to speak up.

 

“You should get that cleaned up.” She pointed out.

 

“Yeah, Jiho hyung told me the same thing.” Jungkook chuckled as he hobbled to the couch where she was sitting at.

 

“Do you need a hug first, Kookie?” She asked, using his nickname that would annoy him if it came out of Taehyung’s mouth. But not her, he realized. Never her. So Jungkook nodded quietly, closing the distance between them the moment she opened her arms. He let out a soft sigh when she stroked his hair, still damp from the cold outside. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, arms tightly wrapped around her body. He took a deep breath, recognizing the familiar lavender scented soap she always used.

 

“I’m tired.” He mumbled against her neck. The sting on his knees has dulled by the time she pulled away from his embrace. Her cold hands went to cup his face, forcing him to look at her eyes. It was the way she looked at him, he always thought. He could find it in Yongguk’s eyes when he first asked him if he could remove his tattoo. He found it in Jiho’s and Mino’s eyes just ten minutes ago, when he stumbled inside the shop. He leaned in to her palm, eyes bright with fresh tears as he forced a smile. “I’m so.fucking.tired. How did you even deal with this, [Y/N]. I feel like I want to puke and cry and throw something at the same time.”

 

She snorted at him before bursting into laughter and Jungkook decided he loved it a lot more than the twinkling laughter he used to adore. “I threw up,” she replied.

 

“That’s disgusting.” Jungkook scrunched up his nose jokingly.

 

“Your snot is disgusting, Kookie.” She retorted, tossing him the tissue box from the coffee table.

 

They spent a few minutes in silence with his head resting on her shoulder. He closed his eyes, his breathing slowed down while he held her hand. “I didn’t regret removing it.” Jungkook finally said, eyes glued to their intertwined hands. “It’s… It’s something I just have to do, you know. Yoongi hyung will feel guilty, I know he will. And she will think it’s her fault too. Even though it’s not. I don’t want to let them know that I have–had her name on my wrist. It’s better this way, isn’t it?”

 

“What about you?” She asked.

 

“What about me?”

 

“What about your feelings? You keep saying it’s all because of them, you didn’t want to hurt them. But they hurt you, didn’t they? Intentionally or not. Your pain is valid too, Jungkook.”

 

“I don’t know.” Jungkook shrugged, “I’ve never really thought about it.”

 

“Maybe that’s why they get mad, Jungkook.” She said, looking down at him with a smile, “you’re always so strong, so stubborn. How are they supposed to understand your pain if you never tell them anything? You never give them the chance to understand you.”

 

“You understand me.” He frowned as he sat up.

 

“Because I’ve been there before.” [Y/N] ruffled his hair. “Just talk to them, okay? I’m sure they’ll understand. If they don’t, you can always move here.”

 

Jungkook quietly nodded. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

 

.

 

One night turned to two, then three, and before she knows it, she was standing in front of Hoseok and Jimin a week later with an apologetic smile while they let her inside.

 

“How’s Jungkook?” Hoseok asked, fiddling with his fingers as he watched his friend walked into Jungkook’s room to grab some clothes.

 

“He’s… coping.” [Y/N] answered after a long pause. She turned to them, lips pressed into a thin line when she noticed the slight frustration and discomfort on their faces. “Jungkook is trying his best, you know that, right?”

 

Jimin sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know, [Y/N],” he hesitantly said, “we know it’s hard but he could’ve told us. We won’t judge him. We’re his family!”

 

“When I first got my blue mark, my mother who doted on me and spoiled me, decided to not want anything to do with me because it disgusted her.” [Y/N] said after a while. “It wasn’t easy, Jimin. You have your mark. Our mark… people still think it’s not normal, that we’re freaks. I know you’re not like my mother or those people. But it’s been so ingrained in our mind, that this is not how it’s supposed to be. It took me a long time to realize it’s okay.”

 

Hoseok took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He was always warm and soft and his smile always made her feel a little bit better. “Let him know that we miss him, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I will.” She nodded. “I think he misses you too. He’s just a little scared.”

 

“He’s a dumbass.” Jimin grumbled, his tone held no malice.

 

“He is.” [Y/N] laughed.

 

.

 

Couchsurfing at [Y/N]’s place the past week was like a breath of fresh air. Yongguk would wake up early to set up the shop and Jungkook, being the light sleeper that he was, would end up trailing behind him, helping him out with cleaning and setting the tables. Yongguk would make him hot chocolate afterwards and they would have a quiet conversation until [Y/N] woke up, her loud alarm tone blaring throughout the apartment.

 

“Don’t worry, she’s always like this.” Yongguk said on the first day. Jungkook had panicked when they heard a loud thump coming from her bedroom, followed by string of profanities.

 

Jungkook nodded quietly and sipped on his drink, eyes awkwardly shifting between the hall and his own mug.

 

“You’ll be fine.” Yongguk said after a beat of silence, causing him to look up. He had a small, comforting smile on his face as he stood up from the chair and made his way to the kitchen sink. “You have one of the most supportive family and when you’re ready, you should go talk to them. They love you more than you think they do.”

 

“I will.” Jungkook nodded quietly before he continued, “Thank you, hyung.”

 

.

 

“Stay, please?” Jungkook pleaded, his voice soft and filled with fear as he held [Y/N]’s hand tightly. It had been fourteen days and he was still panicking, despite what he told everyone at the tattoo parlor when they left. Her hand was cool to touch, bringing him an all-too-familiar comfort as he looked into her eyes.

 

She looked down at their intertwined hands, shaking off the oddly warm emotion fluttering in her chest before she nodded. Her eyes were filled with nothing but affection when she returned her gaze back to him, lips curling into a soft smile.

 

“Of course.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the end! :D i hope you like it and please let me know what you think! :D
> 
> should i write an epilogue lol


End file.
